When Communication Fails, This Changes Everything

How to Turn Hurt Into Understanding

In Part 1, I shared how a brief connection with Thomas ended in confusion when my silence was misread as rejection. I had made a decision to break my lifelong pattern of ghosting, but actually doing it required something I’d never done before.

Read Part 1: What a Four-Day Connection Taught Me About Heartbreak

When relationships falter, it’s easy to retreat into silence. In the past, I left things unfinished. Not out of thoughtlessness, but because I did not know how to close the door. This left the other person confused and hurt. But this time, I chose to confront my emotions and understand what I truly needed.

It wasn’t easy. I had to look beyond my initial defensiveness and ask myself a harder question. What’s really going on inside me? I realized my silence wasn’t rejection, but exhaustion, overwhelm, and a need for space.

I wrote to Thomas, expressing what our time together had stirred in me. I shared my gratitude, but also my depletion. I’d given without expecting anything in return and felt drained. I said I needed reciprocity, transparency, and emotional presence. I explained that my silence was not punishment, but self-care.

Photo by Tetiana Horielova on Unsplash

Thomas’s response was heartfelt. He wrote about feeling relief at finally understanding what had happened. He acknowledged the confusion that had been weighing on him. What struck me was that he’d been hurting too, doubting himself.

This experience taught me that when we get honest about our feelings, we stop defending and start connecting. When we name what we need, we give others permission to do the same. When we communicate with honesty and kindness, closure becomes possible.

The practical work involved identifying my feelings and needs. I had to communicate with compassion and own my part in the miscommunication.

I didn’t wait for Thomas to figure it out. I showed up with my truth, and that changed everything.

Closure is something we create, not something that happens to us. We create it by being willing to say the hard things with kindness. When I finally spoke, I freed myself from the burden of suppressed emotions and reclaimed my agency.

As I reflected on this experience, I realized that understanding Thomas’s perspective was important. Compassion grows when we see the other person’s humanity and understand that miscommunications are not about blame.

This story is taken from my upcoming book, Healing Goodbyes: Transforming Heartbreak to Embrace Your Joy.

Check back for Part 3, where I’ll explore how understanding his perspective transformed blame into compassion, and why the real healing came when I saw him not as someone who failed me, but as someone doing his best with what he had.

                                                       © 2025 Maria Sherow